Deep down I know that loving myself is one of the most nurturing things I could possibly do for myself. Yet (oh, there’s always a yet), I find myself pulling back from the one person that I should be loving the most — me.
This isn’t new territory. I’ve tried to love myself at various points throughout my life but find that being a bitch is just so much easier. And believe me, I’m one baaaaad bitch to myself, too. I am, though, committed to changing that and really do want to love the person who I see in the mirror everyday.
How am I supposed to achieve this gigantic task?
I’ve tried affirmations.
I’ve tried leaving myself love notes.
I’ve tried looking at myself in the mirror and professing my love.
I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried.
And you know what? I’m not done trying no matter how tired I am because I know that I’m worth this. (And I’ll let you in on a little something…so are YOU.)
So when I saw Be Your Own Beloved being offered once more I immediately thought to myself…
“I can’t do that.”
“I can’t be my OWN beloved.”
“I can’t take pictures of MYSELF everyday. No one wants to see that.”
And because I resisted so strongly, I decided to check in with my partner in crime and see if he thought it was a good idea.
I resisted even more.
I’m three days in and so far it’s been painless and I’m starting to see myself just a wee bit differently.
It all started with taking the first step and putting a foot forward:
Then it was all about sharing something that nourishes me, and let me tell you, nothing nourishes me quite like Wally Lamb and his words. I’ve currently got my nose in his newest novel We Are Water:
And today I was supposed to capture a bit of my playfulness. I said to my love “How am I supposed to do that? I’m never playful!” He looked at me, trying not to laugh and said that I’m playful the majority of the time. So, taking his word for it, I just sat myself down at my favorite cafe and snapped this one. I have to admit, I was actually feeling a little playful.
And I tip back my mug of Blue Eyes herbal tea and wonder to myself “What does it mean to be my own beloved?”
The truth is I’m not really sure yet, but I’m excited to be on the journey of finding out.
P.S. If you are in the class, too, be sure to let me know so I can check out your photos everyday and cheer you on as you become your own beloved! :D